people ask me how it feels to deliver babies.  most of the time, i'm busy setting up, breaking down the bed, prepping the patient, pushing with them, making sure the baby comes out fine..the whole process goes by too fast, honestly i don't even know if the baby was a boy or a girl..

sometimes the best part is the next morning when when i round on my patients early in the morning.  my favorite moment is when i catch the mom alone with the baby early in the morning.. just them two spending time together.. whether they're both sleeping or the mom is feeding the baby or the mom is just watching the baby sleep.. and then of course i have to disturb that moment by asking her about bleeding, flatus and bowel movement. haha so not cute.

when the whole day is intense.. it's nice to catch one of those wonder moments.

my life is crazy. residency is crazy.
and i feel overwhelmed...

maybe it's cuz i'm post call, it's 10:12 am, and i just walked into my apt.  for the past two months, i'm like..residency's fine, my life is going ok, i'm having fun.. (and i really am).  but i come home and my apt is a mess.  my clothes thrown on the floor, my bed's not made, dishes piled up, my clean laundry still in the bag, desk full of papers and books i need to read, bills to be paid, no food in the fridge.. nothing's organized or clean.. and then reality hit me.  i'm not in control.. actually i feel like everything's out of control... ahhhh..

i just spent the day/night triaging patients, transferring sicker pts to a bigger hospital, going down to the ER, dealing with miscarriages, ectopics, getting paged.  it's non-stop.  and that's ob for ya.  haha.. the only control i have is the sign out sheet that i have to update at the end of every shift.  one attending was like.. so you're one of those.. always obsessing over the list and making sure everything's updated.  i didn't get what he was talking about.. until i realized yea.. that's the only thing i was able to control.. and that's the only thing that made me feel a little bit better.  but instead of concentrating on the patients themselves, i was concentrating on what was written down on the paper.   what am i doing?? so yea.. back to the beginning.  i need to take a breather.. calm down.. reassess what's important.. and understand and accept that residency's going to be overwhelming and crazzzzzyyyyy.. but yea, i desperately want to/need to get back to the place of peace in midst of all of this. 

so... right now, i'm gonna listen to my chris tomlin on pandora, close my eyes for 10 min... and then clean my whole apt. :)

from graduation (sigh look at that joy) to residency (you don't wanna see a pic of me now)...

wow it's been awhile since i updated.  yup that was me months ago. well like in may.  and now it's.. aug?? i've been an intern for 5 wks. and i've aged like 10 years.  For the past 6 months i've been getting up at 12pm everyday.. but imagine waking up at 4:30 everyday.. i have more white hair.

but.. haven't killed anybody yet!
so since i like rules..
rule #1: if you're not dying, don't go to a hospital in july.  interns are newbies and they (by they, i mean me) don't know anything
rule #2:  if an attending asks you a clinical question.. look as if you're thinking about the topic, and do one of those "umm i'm an intern" look and say "i'll read about it now!"
rule #3: if a pregnant woman who's been pregnant multiple times before comes in looking like she's fully dilated.. the chances are that.. she is.. and be prepared! and don't drop the baby.  btw we never do that.. we just "guide" them to the floor. :)

that's all for now.. i do love it tho.. delivering babies, c-sections, circumcisions.. and esp being an intern, not responsible for anything just yet =P